Happy Father's Day to all friends, family and aquaintances! Happy Father's Day to people I don't even know, that may have stumbled across this blog on accident. In the past it seems I am always working on this day, rather then relaxing. Years in the restaurant business taught me one thing: We're going to be busy so put your own plans on hold. Not this year. A career change has suddenly given me these weekends off. So, this year I spent most of my day reflecting on many wasted Father's Days, and how it came to be that I could even consider my parenting skills worthy of such a day.
Through time I have learned a lot of methods of being a parent while watching different people with their own kids. While growing up, I learned parenting from some of my friends' Dads. Most every Dad I know, I have stolen some of their techniques and ways of handling things. When your own dad had maybe 5 or 6 rules for you, it always stuck out more when other parents would put additional rules on your friends. Come home at midnight? What's that all about?
Even my own Dad with some of his worst moments of parenting, I at least gathered some sort of "What to do..." or "What not to do..." for every situation. His anti-drug talk always stuck with me the most. "If I ever catch you doing drugs I'll break both your arms". Be very clear here, my father had no capability to break any arms, he was 5'3" and 140 lbs after eating and still wearing boots. To be fair with all the posturing and veiled threats my Dad had made over the years. I don't think he ever even cuffed me in the back of the head, when I did something that truly deserved it. These messages however stuck with me. Dad evidently felt strongly enough about drugs he would wish bodily harm upon his kids rather than see them fall into that abyss. Not, a bad thought actually if you see the destructive nature of so many narcotics. It's not an approach I take, but I know it's important to let your kids know there might be consequences. This would be one of his rules for me. The rest of the rules Dad deemed important entailed don't break any laws, and don't get anyone pregnant. That's pretty much all he asked for and I pretty much tried not to break most laws(there have been instances), and nobody got pregnant before they were supposed to(there were no instances). So, in a way his style of parenting was a success with me.
I have watched all of my friends and brothers raise their kids and have marveled at the job they do. I look at their kids and I hear their dad's in their voices and see the mannerisms they have emulated. I try to integrate what I think works, and I ask questions.
Mostly, I learned about being a Dad from two brothers who had done their own fair share of helping raise me when no one else was bothering with the idea of it. I learned a lot of what not to do from their advice when I was 8, after all they were both only 11 and 14 at that time. They had some pretty bad advice. Mostly I have learned a lot from them over the past decades as they have raised their own crews of incredible kids, who are now going on to make families of their own. Those are the two guys I admire the most.
Personally. I try to keep my own opinions on raising kids to myself unless someone asks. I have learned one thing in this life about parents. When you give unasked for advice about raising kids to other parents: They don't like it. So I keep it to myself and observe, every once in a while I ask a question or just talk about how I handle some things with my own kids. If someone wants to know something I usually answer.
Some might think my parenting skills as....well.....less. So, not a lot of people probably hold me up as a "This is how you should parent guy". I enjoy the free-range parenting more than most. It's how I grew up, I just like to add a few more rules, but probably not as many as I should. I want them to learn on their own too, develop their own way of solving problems and interacting with society. So, far my children have amazed me every step of the way. I hope they get jobs soon, we had our own paper routes by 7. Graham's almost 8, he's falling behind. I guess that's the difference between then and now. Mostly, nobody reads the paper anymore. I also used to light fireworks off when I was 4, I now hand the kids their sparklers. Wheee! Probably a  good thing since I remember looking down the barrel of my lit Roman candle to see what was taking so long when I was 6. Luckily, my Mom moved my hand causing the candle to be aimed in the sky just in time before I would have gotten the nickname of  Cyclops. Good times! So there's some parenting advice right there: Never look down the wrong end of a lit Roman candle. See, we can help each other.
Everyday of parenting is a growth process and I try to be a little better than the day before. I wouldn't be the Dad I am without all the other Fathers out there. Being a Dad takes a lot of doing things on the fly. We are supposed to fix things, bikes, footballs, homework, hearts and minds. It's a tall order. We all do our best, and sometimes we don't lean on each other like we should, it wouldn't be as macho if we asked another dad for advice. Sometimes we come through with an 'S' on our chest, other times we just fall short. We were supposed to know all this stuff by the time we had kids right? Yeah, right.

So, I'll end it like I started it. Happy Father's Day to all the family, friends, and even the guy in Walmart losing it a little bit in the toy section. Thanks for all the coaching you didn't know you were giving me over the years! I sorely needed it.