Parenting at 100%. That is a sentence that scares the heck out of me. It is introspective, because I am constantly thinking to myself: Am I doing this as well as I can? It is external, because I am often thinking: Do people think I am parenting as well as I can? I shouldn't be worried about the external. People will never tell you that you are a bad parent, just their friends. My story is it is to hide some insecurities about their own parenting or elevate themselves. We all want to be good parents. Parenting is not a contest, though I think for many people it has become one. I see the memes on facebook all the time. If you love your kids share this meme. Problem solved. Modern society has made it so easy for us all to look like good parents. In fact(which this isn't a fact at all) I believe that someday if you don't share those memes it will be fed to some sort of Orwellian computer ran by Child Protective Services. 100% parenting is not helicopter parenting, it is about being in the present, not consistently inserting yourself into the present in order for my child to succeed at another's expense (pretty difficult to do in sports, but that is another blog for another time).
Parenting in the present is tough, so much fights for our time and resources. When you just want to relax after work and not....do....anything. It's your time right? Oh....so.....wrong. I chose to have these children. I didn't have to. We could have skipped our way through life with not a care in the world. I chose it. My wife chose it. In fact if you are reading this rather than reading your child a book or going outside with them. I would prefer you stop reading this and go do that. You can always come back to this when you are pretending that you are working tomorrow. (That's a joke. Your boss will definitely let you go if you think reading this specific blog is more important than taking the hourly reading at the Nuclear Power Plant or watching the radar at the airport.)
I put out a lot of effort with my children, especially my 7 year old son. The effort for him is mostly all physical, and I barely can keep up with him. He volunteers me to be "All times quarterback" with him and all the neighbor kids. If you have ever worked a 10 or 12 hour day on your feet and come home to a kid happy to see you, but then wants you to do some running and throwing. It can be a monumental effort. It also should be noted, he is the only person to wish I would be his quarterback. So,I should be flattered and want to do this every time he asks. He also thinks Manning is a terrible QB and pulls up his college records as some sort of proof. I don't argue anymore, I just nod my head. He is constantly checking the interwebbery for any sort of proof to back up his teams and players as the best. I have no idea where he gets that from. OK. I have a small idea. (The key here is my son somehow sees me as better QB than Peyton Manning, and that's what is important. I have gone through painful effort to bring that to light in this blog.) If you haven't noticed he is ALL boy.
My 9 year daughter is a little more difficult. She has the creative side of my wife and I, and maybe a wee bit of stubbornness. She likes dancing, art, writing and reading. She also likes the sensory overload of television, ipads, computers and whatever else blinks. It has become something of a struggle to get her to go do something constructive. She has a great and quirky mind that is wonderful to watch when she is being creative or coming up with some of her entrepreneurial ideas. Sometimes she is very focused on her tasks and maybe directs a little too much. She is assertive, something I think she'll need in life, as I see too many people that are not. She just need to learn a little of the cooperation and coaxing different situations into win-win. She's 9(going on 36), so that is something she will develop over time. She reads herself to sleep at night and it isn't very often we don't wake her up in the morning surrounded by dozens of book on her bed. If you haven't noticed she is ALL girl.
In order to achieve some 100% parenting with these two. We have started doing little weekly goals with them, as well as a family night where we establish the goals and play some games. Last week our family goal was just to be a little nicer to each other. This went well, and I think the kids had minimum fighting and arguing. If either of them were mean to the other they would have to buy the victim a small toy, trinket, candy or gum. I think he only owes her 3 little items.
Personal goals went well for the boy. He said he would be nice to the dog. This doesn't seem like it would be hard for most kids, but a lot of kids have littler or older brothers to practice double leg takedowns and half nelsons on. Trying to perform an inside cradle on a black lab will more than likely get you bit. He did a great job, and the dog paid more attention to him than ever, even laying with her head on him. His goal for the week is to do 12 pushups, 12 sit ups, 50 jumping jacks(down from the 100 he originally threw out there)and run a mile every day, except a couple where he would not have the time to do it. Although he offered to just run in place for 20 minutes. I agreed to do those with him.(That's why I convinced him to do 50 jumping jacks. I'm still a little too floppy to do 100 and retain my self esteem).
My daughter's goal went about nowhere last week. She wanted to make something new on the rubber band loom that she had never done before. She watched youtube videos, maybe even started a little. I admit the rubberband loom perplexes me as much as Minecraft. In the end she gave up even when I prodded her to keep trying. So, I'm not sure if she is on board with the whole goal setting yet. Though she agreed to go two nights this week without electronics of any kind. I agreed to do that with her as well. I will maintain my phone, other than that we'll be cut off from the world for a couple nights this week. I'm also hoping she will do the extra exercise with her brother and I.
In all of these goals we are trying to keep open communication with the two of them. Really get answers about their days and if anything is bothering them. The goals should take effort, but should be achievable for them. This hopefully will make them better goal setters and achievers as they progress, or they could end up hating goals. It's a fine line.
We(when I say we, I am talking about my wife and I, I am not implying the readers of this article are part of we. If you are inserting yourself as part of said "We", well then I guess my work is done here. I'm also using the term "article" pretty loosely here.) know we can't be perfect parents, but I also know we can always do more. There are plenty of times in the past I'm sure I should have went outside with the kids, versus finishing watching the last 10 minutes of a Simpsons episode I already had seen before. Now, I try to live in the present with them, which is in my goals. If I am not doing anything that is part of my other goals, I respond quickly either to help them or to give them a reason they may have to wait until one of us can help them. Parenting 100% is by no means meant for perfection, it is giving it everything I have, and knowing we did do the very best we could, rather than sharing a meme as a bleak offering to the facebook gods and soothe my own insecurities. Of course we love our kids, but what are we doing about it? Have a nice week!
(Small disclaimer: I am not a certified child development specialist, or a specialist in anything really. Most times I am glad we get up and get these kids to school on time with very little frustration. These are my own observations, tips, tricks, and goals. If you want to use them and they don't work, remember I don't have any money so don't come blaming me. (You also may notice I love parentheses, I am well aware.) If you think your child needs real help and professional therapy, please do so.)
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