Writing is not hard. Not writing is hard. The past couple weeks have been doozies. It's been a mixture of moving, wrestling tournaments, getting the house ready for shows, preparing the kids, getting ready to move a business, a bout of good ole gout, changing insurance carriers twice, kids changing schools, starting a new position and just plain life. In all of that the goals have been hard to keep. Running on a gouty toe? Not fun, not even a little bit. I still did it on one occasion as I tackled what I assume is one of the steepest hills I think I have ever tried to run up in my life. I was in the army in North Carolina, so I think there have been comparable, although I was 18 and weighed 165 pounds at the time. Writing has been sporadic as well, a couple days during the weekend that a page didn't get put down as we were out of town and we were focusing on the kids having a nice time before the final move.Still in the back of my head I was composing and working some things out in between swimming pools, Discovery Centers, acute care, and wrestling matches. The Acute Care was for the toe again, everybody else in the family is fine. Nobody drowned or was hurt in a wrestling match. When you have so much going on that takes you away from your other goals it is very easy to fall back and listen to the time wasters in your head. Don't do it. Get back on those goals as soon as you can. Of course this is said by the guy who has been working on this specific blog for a couple weeks and is rewriting it in hopes of salvaging it.

Aging can be tough. It is the fighting of the midlife crises, all the goals, little to gigantic, that slipped through with the erosion of personal time and perceived responsibilities. The whole figuring out if you wasted the first 30-40 years or not(For the record, I don't think I did. i just didn't use them to maximum effect). The big deal is what do you do with the next 40? I often wonder at what point our internal mechanisms lock up the autopilot and we just say "I'm cruising for the exit signs! I can make it from here!" I was just about there in my own head, but there was a tingle in the back of it that said, "I'm not going to let you do this to us!" And there came the lack of satisfaction in the way I was handling life from family to career. Because in my head(I don't say heart, that's just an organ for pumping blood.)I knew I could do more, but at what I want to do. That's what is important.
I'm sure a lot of people don't feel they can change. That they have the weight of the world on their shoulders and there is no way out, but 65 years old and a social security check. My dad lived that way, it was a harsh self-torture of booze and hopelessness. Not recommended.

 There are a lot people who know how lucky they are living their dreams. True story: not all dreams are the same. Don't let anyone talk you out of your own. Every dream if pursued with passion, intent, and purpose can be achieved. It's as simple as that. The people that do that are the people that inspire me. Here's a tidbit, those people didn't "get lucky" they made those things happen for themselves by directing their focus and energy into making those things happen.

I recently posted a meme on my facebook wall. This should be news as I detest memes for the most part, I usually find them vague and too much fluff to hide behind. Sometimes I think people use them as shields and "cyberwalls" as we fakebook through to the next post about what we are having for a noon meal. This meme spoke to me, mostly because it was a said by one of my favorite people in the entertainment industry. The quote goes like this: "No such thing as spare time. No such thing as free time. No such thing as down time. All you got is life time. Go." The man who said this is Henry Rollins. He has been around for decades in music or spoken word. If you've ever followed his music or his poetry or his interviews, that guy believes it. Intensity doesn't even begin to cover his demeanor and go at it attitude. I hadn't thought about him in a while and when I saw that meme. It just blew me away. It's entirely true. If I truly live in the present and try to make sure I am moving forward and building the life I desire. I don't have a second to spare. If I am thinking, better be thinking about improving myself. Every second on the couch not spent with my kids is another second spent manufacturing my own Cat's in the Cradle. Every second you read this blog is another second you don't spend with your wife, your family, your friends, your goals. Tricky, for me, because of course I want you to be reading this blog. Hopefully, you are using it to help yourself, or at the very least discredit what I am doing under your breath from the personal discomfort I am causing you. The goal is to use every moment to fulfill the life you wish to create. There are no wrong answers of course, it's all individualistic. If at the end of the day I really threw 100% of myself at every situation, then I can't be unhappy with the result. I did all I could. However, if I hold back, if I tell myself "I can't" or "I didn't" or "That wouldn't work", then I've self-sabotaged my own goals. Everyone knows when they do this, admitting it is another story. If I do that, why set out to do anything at all. Use your life time wisely. Tricky thing is you spend some of that life time every second.  No refunds.